Making Changes

Hey everyone hope you are well!

Last night before I fell asleep I was overwhelmed with anxiety. Most of it was due to it being Christmas and then New Year. New Year for me has never been something I look forward to, because I have never really known what the year will have for me.

This time, I have a plan but I’m still terrified.

I decided I don’t want to wait till the 1st of January to start making the necessary changes. So I thought I would immortalise my ‘resolutions’ here in the hope it will motivate me to continue.

Read At Least One Book A Week

Now, I can read anywhere from 3 to 6 books a week on a good week.

However I am in my last year of University and need to dedicate most of my time to academic research and reading.

One book a week feels doable.

Focus On University/Dissertation

As some of you might know, I have been at Uni since 2014. I have had a very hard time during uni, I’ve suffered a loss, been through unimaginable pain and suffered with debilitating depression and anxiety.

I feel I’m slowly coming out of it, but I won’t succeed unless I truly focus.

I would like to think I’m an intelligent person, but my grades don’t always reflect that. But that’s due to me never actually trying 100%. I didn’t revise for my GCSE’S but managed to coast through. I then didn’t revise for my A Levels and again managed to get by.

I want the grade I know I deserve and I’m the only person who can make that happen.

Revise Maths Every Day

I failed two GCSE’s: French and Maths. But the issue is I failed my maths GCSE 7 times. I got a D, 7 times.

Of course my dream is to one day be a published author. But I also want to be a teacher. My university let me in without maths but to be a teacher you need it.

I have always struggled with maths. Numbers don’t make sense to me, I can’t visualise any numbers in my minds eye, the way I can with words and sentences and story ideas. Maths has always been my worst enemy.

That’s got to change. I need to work hard on maths because it doesn’t come naturally to me. I want to revise for at least an hour every day, until I can sit my exam in June. If I start now, who knows a miracle could happen and I might get more than just a C.

I hope you enjoyed this post and if you have any resolutions you’re putting off until New Year, maybe think about starting now!


Jen X

22 thoughts on “Making Changes

  1. Math is my worst enemy! I do fine in geometry but anything beyond that is a fail. Tough luck for someone going into computer science! Hang in there, from the brief time I’ve read your blog you are indeed very intelligent so you’ll make it through. Some of us just don’t have a mind for numbers. Fortunately once you’re done with uni you probably won’t have to deal with them again, haha.

    I also like the term “revise”. We use “study” here but study is very general.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s been a burden on my soul since I left secondary school. While doing my A-Levels I had the opportunity to resit my exam twice and still failed and I was shocked when my uni let me in without it… Thank you so much, I think if I work at it from now until June, I will get a good grade.
      It’s funny the subtle language differences isn’t it, to study is to dedicate time to learning a specific topic and to revise is to revisit what you have already learned, yet I use to two interchangeably.
      I can’t wait for the day to finally say see you later to maths (another difference, you say math and i say maths haha)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I spend a lot of time in the BBC section of Netflix so I get some of the lingo but revise was new to me, lol. Language is interesting to me, especially when there are so many different variants of the same language like English and Spanish. Like in high school (secondary school I think, lol) I learned Spanish but it’s Mexican Spanish so I sometimes have no clue what someone from Spain is saying.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I also find it interesting because in England we are heavily exposed to American TV, films, music etc from a very young age so actually a lot of young British people adopt a lot of American slang. I feel like in America there’s less exposure to our media. Ive actually had American people ask me if we all drink tea with our little finger pointed up haha, one person asked if we had mobile phones in England as if all they knew of Britain was the Queen.
        I failed French and all I can say now is I ride my bike, which is ironic because I don’t own a bike.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Haha, if you drink your tea with your pinky raised? I have seen that in films but I wouldn’t think everybody did that. You’re right too, you have to really go out of your way to see a British TV show or movie. Occasionally a film will get popular over here but not often. I think a lot of Americans think that all British TV is just Doctor Who and soap operas. I was introduced to it when I was young because my grandmother always watched public TV which back then was the only way to get British shows. I grew up on re-runs of Keeping Up Appearances and Fawlty Towers.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I know it was too funny to be offensive either! That’s sad, there’s so much more to British Television than Dr. Who, I don’t like the new Dr Who epidosed and I despise soaps. I’m so surprised you’ve seen Fawlty Towers, not even many English people I know have. If you can find it online, watch Only Fools and Horses, I’d say one of the best British programmes ever.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s an awful nice thing to say. I’m a little inconsistent with the blogging with work and school going on so it’s usually an achievement to just read through everyone’s stuff on here (which, its nice to see more of your work showing up again ๐Ÿ™‚ )

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You’re welcome, I always love reading your posts and your comments. That’s understandable, I’m in the same situation, hence my lack of posts until recently! Thank you I’m glad you enjoy them!


  2. I was terrible with math, so much so that I had to change my major because I couldn’t pass the Calculus 1 & 2 requirement. So, I completely understand where you’re coming from. It sounds like you have a good plan though, and staying focused can help!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m not sure if it’s a difference between England and other countries but I don’t even know what “calculus” means haha, thank you, I hope I will pass this time!


  3. I hope you achieve all of your goals for 2020, I definitely understand the stress associated with not knowing what a new year may bring. As an organized chaos type of person, I end up setting a lot of unrealistic goals for myself come the new year, although this time I hope to take a much calmer approach to my plan/resolutions. Your post has given me some good ideas, so thanks for that, good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Jenae, Ive never really set goals before, I never cared enough to even try to be honest so I’m glad that’s changed.
      I’m so happy my post helped you in some way, that’s so lovely to hear! Good luck with your goals, I’m sure you can meet them.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I find that I also struggle with putting forth 100% when it comes to various projects, work, and practically anything else in my life when I am not at my own 100%. It’s rare to be actually 100%, but we try, and on those days when we are, boy do we get so much accomplished!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Youre so right. Since writing this I havent read a single page of a book, but I have focused a lot on my dissertation and academic readings and I have done maths revision almost everyday. It’s difficult but if we implement positive routines for ourselves, that can only lead to more positivity! At least that’s what I keep telling myself haha.

      Thank you for your comment ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Depression and anxiety seem to be everywhere these days. I’ve never had a winter like this. However, it comes and goes and I am definitely grasping onto the light which feels great! So I know it gets tough these days but wow. You are reading like a champ and finishing up your college career. You must be so excited to be close to graduating. And math is not everyone’s subject. I had a terrible time with algebra but it makes sense. After all, we work with words- not numbers. You’ll be fine, though. Just realize it’s only temporary and the end is just over the horizon. Thanks so much for sharing and best of wishes to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you are consciously grasping onto light, that is such a lovely way of describing it.
      I am so excited to close this chapter and move on to the next! I just need to buckle down and actually try so I can look back in a few years and not feel like I could have done more.
      Thank you for your lovely comment!

      Liked by 1 person

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